Maybe I Should Have Settled

Seriously??

So... as has been noted, I am single once again.  I decided that since none of my friends seem to know any single men, and I don't meet very many in my home's tree-house office... I will try the dreaded "Land of the Broken" (AKA: match.com) once again.  I hemmed and hawed about putting my profile back up.  I mean, I knew the break up was coming for a few weeks.  His "I don't know what I want" wasn't especially convincing, so I had already been thinking about it before Saturday's 'chat.'  In any case... I polished the profile up, but had a really hard time flipping the switch. Sort of thinking I was being dishonest about the feelings I thought I'd had for the Sportswriter/Editor.  Could I possibly have felt like I was falling in love with someone... only to put my profile back up two days after the break-up??  Ruth and my cousin John were adamant about not waiting.  (My cousin John might as well be my brother as we talk multiple times a week about EVERYTHING.)  His favorite expression (after a confessed indiscretion): "A girl's gotta eat."  Now I swear - every girl needs a cheerleader like that on her side!
So, here follows our conversation on Monday morning:

ME:  I have updated my profile, but his isn't back up yet...I feel weird, like I'm cheating, putting mine back up.
HIM:  PUT IT UP ALREADY!

End of discussion.

I flipped the switch, but chose not to pay the membership price.  Figured I would wait until I actually heard from someone.  Within 30  minutes I had 'a hit."  But of course, the match.com people are crafty marketing types and don't tell you who has emailed you -- they just tease you.  They make you wonder if it's worth the dough.  I mean it could be THE ONE.  Right??  So, I fork over the cash for a three-month membership to receive an email from a man living in the UK.  THE UK!!  Seriously!?!  He's taking "one last chance on online dating" - reaching out to me.  "Distance is no issue."  Does match pay these people?  I want to know and I want to know now.  I received subsequent winks from a guy in Ohio, then from a man in Brooklyn.  Am I really that unappealing to the men in Maine???  My membership expires in January -- If there is a God -- she will save me from this insanity far sooner than that!

Would a little 'above and beyond' be so hard??

OK...never let it be said that I'm good at personal communications.  Let me be clear... I, in fact, know that I stink like expensive French cheese.  I think the relationship I have been in for the last few months (perhaps it really was just a summer fling; cue the Grease soundtrack) is at a major turning point, and I'm afraid South is looking to be its likely direction.
We met online, and the transparency of online dating may just be its demise.  Yes, his profile found its way back to active status in the last couple of weeks, and I came apart.  Never mind that mine has been hidden since before we reconnected in June (we officially met in January -- I took my profile off for the general viewing audience in early June - not because of him, but because I was tired of the whole process). 
It's hard to know what to think, how to feel.  I did confront him about it.  He pulled it offline the day I confronted him about it.  He called.  We had a long discussion (resolving nothing), and schedules being what they were -- I suggested we shelve the conversation until this upcoming weekend (we only see each other on weekends).  We talked on Wednesday and Thursday of last week... it's now nearly a week later, and not one word from him.  Not.  One.  I made it pretty clear that I was not going to be calling -- as I felt like I had been the one doing the giving on the communication front since we started (again - hard to believe -- French cheese and all).  It's hard to feel like I count when communication is cut off.  I gave him an easy out -- truly.  But he doesn't seem to know what he wants.  I can't answer that for him, but making me wait.  Making me wonder what the weekend discussion holds -- even when the discussion will happen... seems a bad sign, and a bad move.  A little 'above and beyond' would work wonders if North is the direction he's hoping for...

Breaking up in a few key strokes

I think I did it today.  Most people know when they have broken up.  Not I.  This 45 year old dating horror I call my life is never cut and dry.
He is a quiet man.  A man who can barely respond when I share loving comments.  When I saw his MATCH profile back up and active this morning -- the fairy tale felt over.  I wrote a long note, but the key message was this:

I can't be intimate with someone - the way we have been - and know at the same time that you're actively looking for someone new.  Plainly - it's not honest and it's not fair, and it's something I have zero interest in being a part of.

I said I would be happy to chat (if he wanted to dial the phone - the ball was in his court), but if the man can't take the good from me and have a comment...imagine his communication skills when faced with the bad.  I thought I was falling in love with this one.  I did.  So much I still love about him, but this I will not abide.

Recovering online dater in search of swm with less baggage than self

First... let me begin by noting that I'm a recovering Match.com face.  I've tried it a few times. OK, more than a few times. I actually coined the term, "Land of the broken" to describe my experiences.  Met some weirdos along the way ...who will undoubtedly be fodder for later posts.  I also met a handful (a very small handful) of very nice people.  People I still stay in touch with.  I've kept every email conversation I've ever had through Match.com.  Every one!  I'm not a freak, but, apparently, an electronic pack rat, and one with an eye to the future (imagine the fun for blog posts or even books).  But I digress...

I had coffee/breakfast today with someone I met on Match back in late January.  We went out a few times.  His profile seemed really nice.  I found him attractive. He showed up in my "more particular" search.  The search where I insist on education, that age begins with at least a "4", that you walk upright, blah, blah, blah.   When I did the match.com questionnaire for "Chemistry" (their eharmony knock-off), he showed up.  When I did my eharmony questionnaire -- he showed up as a good match.  What are the odds of that?  (If you are an online dater -- you know.  If you are not -- just trust me.  The odds are slim.)  Our phone conversations felt a little stiff, but I chalked those up to bad cell phone service.  The last time I saw him -- not this morning, but a few weeks ago, he left the parking lot after we had lunch so fast it was like he had running shoes on.  We'd been out a few times, seemed to have fun, but, again, the conversations felt "stiff" (and not in a good way) and uncomfortable --it was like he might die if he spent even one more minute talking to me.  Can't really chalk that moment up to bad cell coverage.  A few days after the hasty exit, I received an email saying he was sorry for being 'distant' at our last meeting, and that he felt like we had more of a future as friends, not lovers.  Sweet Jesus - who says "lovers" in 2008?!?

In any case, I responded sweetly, nicely... though with a crack about the running shoes.  I am me, after all.  Offered that catching up as friends would be fun the next time he found himself in my town (his brother and father both live here, he lives about an hour away).  I imagined I would never hear from him again, and I was OK with that.  I had not vested anything in the relationship -- had not picked out my oh-so-special engagement ring (single women - you know what I mean -- don't pretend that you don't).  He emailed yesterday about meeting today, and we did.  Yes, I accepted an invitation with one day's notice.  The Rules be damned!  It was fun.  Our coffee turned into breakfast at a little dive near the coffee place.  I admit it, I enjoyed his company, plus I'm in a phase where I imagine I will grow old by myself and that is stressing me out!  Maybe that made it better than it really was?  He is nice, and, frankly, it was the most animated conversation we'd ever had.  What's up with that?  My friend RF said it was because there was "no pressure."  I guess she's right... though I wonder why chemistry is such an odd thing.  He's a great guy.  I could like him, but...